


Help Me Understand Your Love

by amalenchan



Category: omgcp
Genre: I love soft fall moods, M/M, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amalenchan/pseuds/amalenchan
Summary: Chronicles of Dex realizing he loves Nursey.





	1. October Belongs to You

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this an hour after I woke up this morning because my grade in math dropped five percent and I was sad and wanted to try writing soft things because I mostly think about dark painful things so...this is unbeta'd or whatever that thing is called and I'm honestly only posting this because I can and I feel bad so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex wonders why he's never just admired Nursey - his teammate, possible friend, probable friend - and so he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall i edited it bc i cant write in past tense for shit and the thrid chapter was great BUT I WROTE IT IN PRESENT TENSE!!! and it sounds like SHITE in past tense so im just gonna edit everything else.

_ October Belongs to You _

The first time he really stops and lets his eyes run over Nursey’s face and the visible parts of his body they’re studying in a random cafe. He’s written two pages in the hour and a half they've been in the weird hipstery cafe Nursey had dragged them to, only to stop suddenly stuck on one particular paragraph. After twenty minutes of staring at a paragraph and trying to figure out what was wrong with it, he gives up and rubs his hand across his face, hoping to refresh his brain like it was a website on his laptop. 

 

Taking a hesitant sip of his now lukewarm drink, something milky and sweet covers his tongue. Nursey had praised the drink to high heaven, claiming it had been the one good thing in a first stressful week. A few minutes pass where he does nothing but stare outside through a large window into the sunny but cold street. He eventually finds his eyes drifting to the reflection of Nursey. To be completely honest, he’s never really  _ looked _ at Nursey’s face in the year that they’ve known each other. Sure, he knows what Nursey looks like, and of course, he keeps his eyes on him when talking, but. He’s never just stared for the sake of it. 

 

Dex let his fingers rest, aching just a bit from all the anxious tapping. The heat of the cafe and the waft of a breeze made the perfect blend of comfortably warm with the right amount of fresh air. The quiet atmosphere and soft volume of an acoustic guitar he guesses is for jazz make him feel just a little calmer and secure.

 

Maybe he could do it, just study Nursey and appreciate who he is and how he centers Dex _. _ Though he isn’t sure he’ll ever tell anyone, even with the safety that comes with being on this  _ particular _ hockey team.

 

Dex lets his body relax back into the old soft plush of a sofa, the color of it reminding him of dark butterscotch hard candy. He puts aside thoughts of his own appearance and just - focuses. Dex watches the way sunlight in early October lightens Nursey’s hair from it’s cool brown to an indescribable shade. It still has the same undertone from before but there’s a glow to it. If any of his religious neighbors were here, maybe they’d compare the crown of Nursey’s head to a halo. Maybe.

 

He moves onto the change in his complexion; Dex studies the way his brown skin looks, soft in the sunlight, body language subdued. Dex's hair ruffles from the cool air wafting in the open window above the large one on his left. His cheeks look soft, even with stubble. Nursey’s eyelashes flutter as he reads through one of his papers, frustration evident in the way his full and dark eyebrows furrow, just a little bit, in the center. Dex lets his eyes travel a little lower, onto his teammate and possible friend’s lips. Like he expects, they aren’t relaxed - Nursey has a tiny little frown overtaking the bottom half of his face. Resisting the urge to shake his head fondly, he lets the side of his mouth move on its own and into a soft smile. 

 

Across the hipstery waxed wooden table, Nursey lets out a sigh and brings his hand up to his face, accidentally hitting his nose with a pen he’s clearly forgotten is in his hand. Dex tries to hold in a laugh at the startled expression. His companion sits, too absorbed in his notes to realize, Dex decides to go back to work. There’s a lot to do.


	2. It's Cold but He's Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get dragged into a trip to the outdoors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! just a lil later bc I'm obsessed with this !!! I love pretending like I know what falling in love feels like!  
> EDIT: I CHANGED THE TENSES BC I CANT DO PAST TENSE anyways the last two words? WICKED

 

_ It’s Cold but He’s Here _

Only hours after all of their midterms end Nursey and Dex find themselves on the road to a state park at the insistence of their team members.

 

_ “Come on, haven’t you two especially had a stressful few weeks? Like, Dex, didn’t you have to write a research paper on something you didn’t completely understand? And Nursey, didn’t you have to speed through a book because your teacher messed up the titles and you had to go buy it and change all your notes? C’mon, let’s go relax now that it’s all over!” _

 

So, here they are, sitting side by side in an old jeep, shoulders brushing occasionally over bumps in the road. 

 

Dex has to admit the scenery is refreshing. Sure, it’s mid-October - the dark and cold slowly sneaking in - but the fog makes the mix of green, gold, and orange in the trees all the more revitalizing. Beside him, Nursey scrolls through twitter, pausing every once in awhile to read whatever it is he likes. 

 

He stops staring when a shiver goes through him. The car isn’t the best at regulating heat and Dex finds himself wishing he’d worn more than a thin longsleeved shirt. He tries to hold back his shivering but even putting his hands under his thighs won’t stop the cold from seeping through. He refrains from berating himself; It isn’t his fault that he’s spent all day inside. Besides, it’s time he gave himself a break. The stress of keeping his grades as high as they are causing too much self-inflicted anger. He has to be fair to himself or he’ll spiral out of control. 

 

Nursey’s arm hits his elbow as the car goes over a relatively small bump while turning. Dex turns to him and is immediately jealous of the dark cargo jacket Nursey has on top of a green hoodie. Sighing, he brings his fingers together, rubbing and twisting, hoping to create warmth somehow. Pink and white blossom over his knuckles as he stretches tense fingers. 

 

A hand radiating warmth wraps itself around his left forearm and he stares at it. Nursey tightens his grip, shaking Dex a little, and says, “Holy shit, Dex, you’re cold as fuck. Why didn’t you say anything?" Shrugging, Dex secretly revels in the warmth spreading through his arm. The warm grip on his arm disappears and Dex tries not to let his disappointment show when he faces the plastic window of the Jeep.  

 

And then a cargo jacket is thrown into his face and he startles back, blinking his eyes to clear his mind from the shock. 

 

“Uh, what?”

 

The jacket, previously on Nursey’s frame, lies limp in his lap.

 

“Put it on, dumbass. You’re freezing.” He shakes his head, jostling curls and distracting Dex for a second, “I swear, it’s like you  _ like _ suffering.”

 

Trying and probably failing to hide his grin, he elbows Nursey in the ribs and laughs at the resulting squawk. In front of them, Ransom turns around before poking Holster, whispering something that leads to a guffaw. Dex looks at them, the closest friendship he’s seen since his ma and her sister and lets himself hope for the future. 

 

Maybe he and Nursey could be like that. 

 

Speaking of Nursey, he realizes he hasn’t thanked him.

 

When he snaps out of his little bubble, his fellow d-man is twisting behind to reach his backpack. The bottom of his hoodie rises up and Dex quickly looks away. Enough staring, more talking. 

 

“Hey, Nurse.”

 

He stops rummaging through his yellow and navy blue backpack, leveling Dex with a curious expression. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

He gets a beanie thrown in his face for his efforts. 

 

“For those big ol’ ears.” 

 

He holds the beanie over his mouth, hoping to hide the smile stretching across his face but the crinkling of his eyes betrays him and he receives a wicked grin. 


	3. Time is Standing Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex cares for Nursey in the only way he knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYYY i love this chapter with all of my heart and soul literally about the same amount as the first one which is so good i want to cry i almost did writing this anyways enjoy im going to sleep at 9pm like a sensible adult.

 

_ Time is Standing Still _

He’s holding two drinks, one slightly strong for himself and a weirdly descriptive one for Nursey. Dex sips his drink and scans the crowd, searching for Nursey. It takes longer than usual to spot him because for some reason he’s hiding in the back, feet dragging behind him. His features are twisted in anxiety and something else, something that weighs him down. Dex weaves through the crowd, unwilling to wait when clearly Nursey needs some form of help.

 

“Nurse!”

 

It’s almost painful to watch Nursey try and muster up a smile with eyes muted and hollow. Dex knows what that feels like, to force his heavy body to move in a socially acceptable way. This close to his partner on the ice, possible friend,  _ probable  _ friend, he can feel misery radiate. 

 

“Hey.”

 

Dex hands him a drink, milky and sweet while being careful with his hands. They begin walking in silence, side by side, shoulders brushing every once in a while. Just like that time in the Jeep. Though this time it seems Nursey’s the one who’s cold. Maybe not on the outside, but. Dex  _ knows _ what this look means. Nursey needs some mental warmth. 

The weather has been pleasant most of the week but soon enough grey clouds overtake the sky and rain pours onto them and other unsuspecting students. Sparing a moment to curse the universe, Dex grabs Nursey’s arm, leading the way to the nearest library. There are quite a few of them on campus, varying in age and size, and the one nearest is older. It has two stories and a little snack shack set up near the entrance. Dex lets go of Nursey’s arm, deciding to place his hand on the back of Nursey’s bag.

 

“Nurse, do you want something to eat?”

 

He’s met with silence so Dex leaves him briefly to go buy two Quaker Oats brown sugar oatmeal packets, something he knows won't be too difficult to eat and though he sometimes refuses to admit - is comforting. He asks for half milk, half hot water in both and walks over to Nursey when the oatmeal is nice and warm. 

 

Thunder rumbles outside, so loud it sneaks into the sturdy building and surprises a nearby librarian who mutters as they walk into the children’s aisle. Dex waits for them to be out of hearing distance before he takes a chance and asks something he never imagined he’d say before coming to Samwell, “Hey, Nurse, do you - ” he pauses, breathing in evenly, ”d‘you want a hug?” 

 

Neither say anything when Nursey takes a minute, his plastic spoon in the air and halfway to his mouth when it gets returned to the oatmeal packet. He seems to be in his own little world and Dex almost begins to regret asking when Nursey nods slightly and lets out a strained chuckle, mixing his oatmeal in a circular motion. 

 

“Well.” His eyes rise from their downcast stare, watery and shining, “Maybe it’ll help.” 

 

Dex stands and walks to the other side. He lowers himself for better reach, and he links both arms under Nursey’s own and ends up wrapping one around his back, holding him close. There are only a few people in the library, obvious that everyone else had decided to run home. And maybe they should have run too, but. Pain roots itself in the places we feel most safe and being somewhere new would allow Nursey to release emotions without attaching them to a supposed safe space. He knows he’s made the right choice.

 

As he adjusts to the feeling of hard carpet against his knees, Dex feels like he’s in Maine, holding his grey fluffy body pillow, the one his sister had given him for his 17th birthday. He lets his head rest against Nursey’s shoulder, his brow bumping up against a covered collarbone. His arms tighten around Nursey, and he rubs his hand up and down, trying as best as he can to be a comfort and not a nuisance. Nursey sighs and droops a little, letting go and backing up a minute later. His eyes shine again and Dex pretends not to notice, unsure if there’s enough trust between them for Nursey to cry in front of him.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

He looks at Nursey, whose eyes flicker here and there, seemingly trying to search for something in his expression. Dex keeps his face open and welcoming, determined to do this right, to help Nursey in any way he can. 

 

There’s a quiet, solemn hum, and calloused hands move to hold Dex’s face, thumbs pressing against his ears and fingers sliding into ginger hair. They tremble from trying not to push too far, maybe because of skin to skin contact, or what Dex thinks is going on. In his chest, he feels pain, acceptance. He’s basically on his knees in front of Nursey, doing things he was told not to as a child, as a teenager. 

 

_ Don’t be vulnerable. _

 

He thinks he understands why people call vulnerability brave now. Dex certainly feels like this will be one of many momentous events in his life, by being the one Nursey chooses to stay with. His own hands reach up and fingers wrap themselves around wrists still wet from the rain, maybe a centimeter or two from touching all the way.

 

Dex remembers the way kids would brag about wrapping fingers around their wrists and all of them touching. This feels like something worth being proud of. 

 

Vulnerability.

 

Nursey lets out a wet chuckle and his fingers twitch. Dex stares, unabashedly, at the way Nursey’s eyes seem to have gotten greener and brighter after a few tears. He takes in the slightly red nose, the lips that have gotten a tab bit wet from stray tears, the way Nursey’s wet curls shine from rain, vibrant with the help of the old golden lights overhead. 

 

Intense affection booms in his chest, burying itself in bone, spreading throughout his body like pins and needles. 

 

_ Oh. _

 

Dex lets his lips tilt up into something delicate and honest. He grips Nursey’s wrists, just for a second and let's go. The man above him does the same, stroking the sides of Dex’s neck just once before letting go. The same adoration moves to Dex’s skull and buries itself in the deepest crevice, sure to stay now that he can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. 

 

It’s not like he expected anything different. 


	4. You can talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Dex stands next to the counter he realizes he doesn’t just like his team - he loves them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall sorry i havent updated in a while i just couldnt figure out what to write about but! ive done it now and it may not be super romantic or whatevs but i did it and its good and it'll be even better so thats that.

_You can talk to me_

* * *

  
The campus is pretty sparse this time of the night so when Dex hears footsteps jogging up behind him, he turns to see if it’s someone he knows. As luck would have it, he does so just in time to almost crash into Nursey, whose hands are raised like he’s going to try and scare Dex of all people. Instead, he scares himself and just surprises Dex.

“Dude, what the fuck? You scared the shit out of me!”

He snorts and turns back around, walking ahead, sure that Nursey will follow.

“Nurse, literally the most random shit would scare you. I’m not to blame here.”

The little frown on Nursey’s face is accompanied by a brief glare that makes Dex’s poor little heart shriek in adoration - which clearly means he has to take a second to breathe in real deep. Who feels endeared by something like that?

They’re side by side again, Nursey fiddling with his phone and walking with a little hop in each step. Today must’ve been a good day, then. He wants to ask and just listen to the way Nursey’s voice glides through every moment, but he doesn’t know how - doesn’t know how to ask Nursey to tell him every good thing that’s happened to him today, all week, all month. It’s frustrating. He tries anyway.

“So, how was your day then?”

Dex feels like he’s holding his breath but his chest is rising and falling like it should. To his right, Nursey shrugs and smiles, small and private. A second later his eyes shut while he tries to hold back a shiver. Maybe he thinks Dex won’t notice because he tries to hold still. It’s cold as hell outside and he doesn’t have a scarf or hat like usual. Dex bumps into Nursey, causing him to lose balance and trip over his own feet. He grabs onto an arm and laughs at the affronted expression on Nursey’s face.

“Here, asshole, a scarf. I can basically feel you freezing.”

He hands Nurse his scarf, the long dark brown one his sister gave him in the months before he left. It’s thick and comfortable and keeps him warm more often than not. Their fingers brush when passing the scarf and Dex nearly snaps his hand back.

“Jesus, Nurse, you’re cold as fuck.”

Nursey rolls his eyes and shoves his cold hands into his hoodie.

“Yeah, that’s what normally happens to real people in freezing weather.”

Dex grins and presses his shoulder against Nursey’s, almost sure the warm feeling in his chest is endearment.

“You saying I’m some kind of monster, Nurse? Is that what I am?”

His voice is teasing and bright, and he laughs outright when Nursey says,”Yeah, dude, I don’t know how they missed that during your physical. Like, clearly you’re not human. Look at yourself.”

They’re both grinning at each other when they hear a shout and turn to see Chowder sprinting in their direction.

“Guys! Hey! Where’re you headed?”

Nursey shifts and lets his backpack sit more comfortably on his back, holding back a laugh when both of their phones vibrate, probably a text from Bitty telling them to the Haus. Chowder probably forgot his phone in his dorm again so he decides to enlighten his friend. Dex faces Chowder, who’s just five feet away now, and says, absolutely serious, “We’re looking for a place to fight to the death.”

He tries to keep it up as long as possible but he and Nursey lose it when Chowder sadly nods,”I always knew it would come to this. This way, boys!”

They get into a messy line and pretend to march the rest of the way to the entrance of the Haus. Chowder knocks, three times exactly, and yells out,”The boys are here!” Behind the door, they hear whoops and a familiar voice telling everyone to “please stop shouting.” The door bursts open, just inches from hitting the faces of the boys.

“Come on in, come in!”

They’re ushered inside and Bitty runs back to the kitchen, yelling back to take their shoes off to keep dirt out. The boys grin at each other and run into to where Ransom and Holster are arguing over a pile of Uno cards and drinks.

“Clearly the rulebook states that - “

“Listen here, you beautiful bastard, I don’t CARE about what the rulebook says, I say -”

Chowder’s brows rise and he tries to put his arms around Nursey and Dex but they’re too tall. He looks at them both one at a time and asks,”Why is this so familiar?”

It's such a chaotic scene, how immediately after, there’s an alarm ringing and Bitty shouts, in the sweetest voice, “Team dinner!” Everyone scrambles to make it into the kitchen first, chairs and backpacks falling to the ground in their haste.

Bitty sighs and holds his index finger and thumb against the bridge of his nose, not even bothering to be surprised.

“If y’all don’t stop…”

But his words aren’t heard over the chatter of multiple voices - some arguing still, some laughing to jokes unheard. As Dex stands next to the counter he realizes he doesn’t just like his team - he loves them. It’s as he’s standing there that he sees Nursey gets a text, digging his phone out and elbowing Chowder into looking down onto the screen after snorting. Chowder takes a second to read through it, but when he does, they stare into each other's eyes and erupt into a fit of giggles, and Nursey even bends forward and clutches his stomach. He walks over, ready to ask what’s so funny when Nursey looks up and beams.

Before Dex gets a chance to do anything, a plate is handed is to him and he searches for who gave it to him only to see Bitty already walking over to another teammate. A warm hand touches his back and Chowder shouts into his ear that he’s going to go play Uno with Ransom and Holster and do you want to come - Dex shakes his head and points upstairs. Chowder smacks him and laughs, running off to be the new Uno champion.

Someone’s found the old Bluetooth speaker left behind by previous Hausmates and is playing a loud pop song. He makes his way to the reading room, needing a little quiet. The door is open and he walks in to see Nursey already there. He’s talking on the phone and Dex is about to turn around and leave him some privacy when Nursey waves him over.

“Okay,” He’s playing with his food, mixing macaroni and cheese with a handful of chips, ”I know!” Nursey has a smile on his face as he nods absently,”Listen, I gotta go, but I’ll call you back? Yeah, love you too, asswipe.”

Dex doesn’t want to pry but he has to admit - he is curious. Nursey puts his phone away, his plate down, and he tangles his fingers together on top of his crisscrossed legs.

“You wondering who I was talking to, Poindexter?”

“Now that you mention it, yes.”

It must be clear he’s lying because he gets a head tilted to the side and a raised eyebrow. He huffs and shrugs, “Okay yeah, I was curious. I wasn’t going to say anything but -”

“I did it for you, yeah, I know you well enough.”

Nursey leans back and his back hits the blue exterior of the house. He hums a little, clearly holding out to see how long it’ll take before Dex snaps. But Dex knows this, so he keeps silent and looks up at the dark November sky. It’s cloudy and maybe it’ll start raining soon but it’s close to winter there'll be snow, no doubt about that. On his left, Nursey looks up too.

“It was my older sister. She’s at Rhode Island Design for school and we’ve been trying to meet up for a while. Kinda hard, though.”

Dex keeps his head up but his eyes aren’t on the stars anymore.

“Yeah? Do you guys have different schedules or something?”

Nursey nods, and if Dex was closer maybe he could see the reflection of the sky in those stupidly pretty green eyes. All he gets is the lights from behind them cascading over Nursey’s features.

“Yeah, our breaks don’t really line up as well as we’d like but we’re still going to see each other. That’s family love, y’know?”

He takes a leaf out of Nursey’s book and hums.  
It’s chilly outside so turns around to look for a jacket or blanket and finds two. Dex hands the fluffier one to Nursey and keeps the other for himself.

“I haven’t seen my family in a while too. I’m thinking of surprising them over fall break. They know I’m coming but I think I could find something nice to bring for everyone. Sentimental things, maybe. Could you help me look?”

It’s a little risky, asking for help on a project so personal but -

“That sounds great, Dex. You wanna help me too?”

“Sure, Nursey, I’ll help you.”

 


	5. Pull me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Silverware shaped like seafood, Willy? Really?”
> 
> Dex shrugs,”You should start learning how to cook, da, what if ma gets hurt and the kids need food? You gonna feed em pizza for a week?”
> 
> He revels in the baffled expression on his da’s face. Loves it, in fact.
> 
> “I’m kidding, da. I thought it’d be funny. I mean, my friend told me it’d be hysterical.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYY! i know the writing style has changed but i frankly give negaitve two fucks bc i love writing weird shit and also this is just to make me feel soft and happy ! anyways im introducing the hyenas aka dex's siblings. i was gonna make em triplets but i decided not to .

It’s twilight when he reaches his childhood home. Dex parks the rented car and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and counting each inhale and exhale. As soon as he leaves the car it’ll all be real. His ma and da will see the presents Nursey helped him choose. And if he’s being honest, he’s using the gifts to distract them from his crush. 

Out in the real world, Dex sees all the parked cars and feels weary with anxiety. 

What if they don’t want him here? But he knows that’s a ridiculous thought as soon as it passes through his mind. Of course he’s wanted. 

It’s the need for proof that causes him to grab his luggage and walk to the front door. Everyone’s in the living room. He can see them through the window, though he makes sure they can’t see him. Dex knocks, once, twice. Waits for the voices to quiet and the door to open. 

“Hey, ma.”

She grabs him and suddenly friends and family are in the entryway talking over each other. Hands are patting his back and someone takes his luggage. His ma is touching his face and neck, muttering about how strong and big he looks, and does he eat proper food there in college? This continues for at least ten minutes until someone clears their throat, loud as thunder and then everyone’s walking back to the living room and kitchen, while his ma, da, and siblings remain.

Dex nearly sags in relief, though it was the proof he’d been looking for. 

“Dude, you said you wouldn’t be able to make it! What the hell!”

There’s Lee.

“Will, man, I’m so sorry, if I’d known you were coming I’d have made your favorite!“

There’s Jason.

“Will! It’s been weeks, you asshole!”

And there’s Sam. 

His parents are silent as his da’s arm winds around his ma’s middle. Dex raises his hand and says,”I have gifts. One at a time, please.” 

And then there’s the scuffle he’s used to. 

Afterwards, when he’s seated at one of the tables, his da sighs when he sits down across. 

“Silverware shaped like seafood, Willy? Really?”

Dex shrugs,”You should start learning how to cook, da, what if ma gets hurt and the kids need food? You gonna feed em pizza for a week?”

He revels in the baffled expression on his da’s face. Loves it, in fact.

“I’m kidding, da. I thought it’d be funny. I mean, my friend told me it’d be hysterical.”

Dex watches his nearby siblings and da pause at the mention of a friend and he wonders if he can invent a time machine before the interrogation starts.

“A friend he says.”

Apparently not.

“Oh, Will, you have friends now, eh?”

“Now, Willy, tell me. Is this a friend you like or a  _ like-like  _ kind of friend? We know what you’re like, Willy, don’t forget now.”

“Oh my, look at the blush! Look how it contrasts with the absolute atrocity that is his hair! Where’s this blush on our scale, gals? Is this a three or a four?”

“Oh, I’d say it’s a five, Jason. Look at the way it brings out those little highlights he’s got!”

“Absolutely phenomenal. I gotta say, this gets funnier every time.”

He places his elbows on the table and buries his head in his hands. They know him too well. He’s done for. At least he hasn’t said it’s Nursey.

“It’s the one named Nursey or something, ain’t it?”

Dex barely resists wailing. He peeks up, hoping that maybe they’ll laugh and run off but three sets of shining eyes fixate on him and though he tries to look away and ignore them, hands reach out and pull his face up into the den of giggling hyenas. 

“Lee, I think you’re right, it’s totally Nursey! Quick, -” Sam pulls Lee in, covering her ear as she whispers something that makes his oldest sibling’s face resemble the grinch’s evil grin. Dex immediately knows he has to run. 

Lee leans in, her elbows on the tabletop now, and says,“Will, sweetie, would you mind giving me your phone?” The other two are trying to trap him by surrounding him but he’s been in this situation so often that he knows what to do. 

Dex ducks and crawls just the right amount of feet. He rises, ignoring the shrieks that never fail to make him laugh. Dex sprints from the living room to the kitchen, before reaching the doors and escaping to the backyard patio.

Outside, the late November air bites at his bare skin while the rest of him stays snug in cozy clothing. Uncles and cousins wave from the bonfire and he jogs over to greet family he’s missed beyond belief. 

“Hey, Will! I didn’t know you were comin’, you shoulda called!” 

Dex sits down onto empty log space and shakes his head, “No, I wanted to surprise Ma and Da. It’s too bad the demons came out to play.” He knows he’s grumbling but faces around the fire seem to pale as they nod semi-seriously. 

“Demons? They back at it again, Willy?” 

Though he opens his mouth to reply, he doesn’t need to, because three voices begin singing his name. 

“Will, honey, I was just joking!”

“Yeah, it’s not like Sam told Lee to call Nursey to tease you!” 

Dex looks over his shoulder to see his two sisters smack Jason upside the head and shush him. 

Right, so. His uncles and cousins don’t spare him a glance when he stands and walks into the hyena den, all cozied up in thick coats and arguing amongst themselves. 

“Dude, either this kid likes Willy back or he doesn’t-”

“Don’t be an ass, you plebeian, like-like is always so much more complicated than that.” 

They continue on, unaware that the object of discussion is examining his dirty shoes two feet away.

“I say we bribe him with candy so he spills the beans.” 

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Let’s do it.”

He sneaks up behind them and drops his arms onto two short women. They don’t scowl but it’s a near thing. Dex shrugs, his arms lifting, briefly freeing tiny and weak shoulders.

“Or you could just ask, like normal people.”

Jason leans in and squints, studying Dex. 

“Okay, alright. I wanna know all the deets. Tell us about this guy.”

Those three eager set of eyes focus in on him again and he only regrets telling them to ask for a second. But that second passes and Nursey fills his mind. Completely random events and fleeting acts flash through like fast cars time-lapsed and it seems like the vision doesn’t end until he hears the tell-tale giggling of his siblings. 

“Oh, this is definitely a  _ like-like  _ situation.”

The urge to use his arms to throw his siblings into a pile must show through his expression because Sam grabs his left wrist with her hand and leads him and the rest of the hyenas to an empty section of the yard, where their treehouse used to be before the tree was cut down. 

Lee pushes Dex onto the stump and they sit down in front of him like it’s kindergarten and Mr. Poindexter is about to start story time. 

“Alright, hit me. What d’you want to know?”

“How did you meet?”

“We already know that you dolt, it was during the tour. They hated each other immediately because Willy here has deeply rooted issues with his masculinity so he targets others comfortable in their own. And he’s an absolute idiot. Let’s move on.”

Jason pouts but doesn’t say anything.

“O-kay. What else?”

“What position does he play? Does he shoot  _ left  _ or  _ right _ ?” 

Sam winks so hard she has to open her mouth, like an absolute fool. She shoves her elbow into Jason’s ribcage and he grunts and falls forward, clutching his now bruised side. Dex sighs and rubs his face,  embarrassed for Nursey, who isn't even here to witness the pitiful moment.  

Lee shakes her head and says,  “Listen up lads, cause I’ve got the superior question. What do you like about him?”

And even with exhaustion hanging onto his bones and clutching onto his soul, even with a slightly too empty stomach, even with anxiety and stress following him everywhere he goes - Dex feels that pull again, the one that makes him want to shout from the top of the world. 

_ I love him, even if I shouldn’t, even if it isn’t the best choice, I love him. _

He bites his lip and feels the immediate rush of blood, no doubt his body trying to betray his regard.

Dex knows he’s right because Jason whispers,”That’s a 10 on the scale, lads.” 


	6. Gently, and slowly, hold me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s no way to describe it - it’s like losing all of his senses - like not being able to taste, to touch, and above all, Dex feels like he’s sitting in a theater of laughing people when he can’t hear. He watches everyone around him laughing and clearly feeling - just that, in general, hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for abandoning this, I realized it 's badly written but at this point I don't carrrreeee

In the weeks before finals Dex finds himself straying towards the Haus. The early darkness of December changes him - and not in a positive or productive way. It gets colder and darker each passing day and he just - does the same. He hasn’t felt like this in a while, not since he started working through emotions previously unknown. There’s no way to describe it - it’s like losing all of his senses - like not being able to taste, to touch, and above all, Dex feels like he’s sitting in a theater of laughing people when he can’t hear. He watches everyone around him laughing and clearly feeling - just that, in general, hurts. Life goes on and he walks through the hours, numb as can be. In the mornings, Dex eats his recommended meal plan, alone. He goes to practice. He goes to class. After class, he does his work dutifully.

And each day, without fail, he wanders to the Haus. 

What he actually does there depends on what he’s forced into. Sometimes Ransom and Holster will rope him into studying. Sometimes Chowder and Bitty maneuver him into the kitchen to talk and eat snacks. Dex mostly listens. 

One time, Nursey asked him to read over some of his work. 

But each day is the same. It all blends into one blurry mess of memories until he realizes he’s skipped all of his morning classes to sit on the porch of the Haus, shivering in the cold. Dex sluggishly shakes his head and bites his lip. His throat feels swollen. Tears pool in his eyes and he begins to shake. 

_ Fuck. _

His tears aren’t even sliding down his face. They’re dripping all over his hands as he tries to wipe any sign of pain off his face. Dex gasps, once and then twice, barely holding down a choke. 

He stands and turns as he looks for his backpack, surely he’d taken it when he’d left his dorm for class, there’s no way he -

“Dex?”

Though he tries his best not to, Dex freezes. 

“Hey, Dex, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Defeated and already dreading the next moment, he turns back around. Nursey is standing a few feet away, one hand holding a steaming thermos of something, the other around the strap of his backpack. He looks warm in his huge fluffy scarf and Dex begins to feel his hands trembling, throat aching, and his wet face tingling from the cold breeze. 

“Jesus, Dexy, come on. You look like some kind of red-headed Russian nutcracker. Let’s go inside.”

For once, he doesn’t comment on the odd comparison. 

Nursey places his drink on the window sill and lifts the welcome mat, patting the wood under to find the extra Haus key, the one just for the frogs. He stands when he finds it, and then he struggles to open the door, dropping it twice in his haste to get away from the biting cold. Dex understands. From the way his body feels, he’s probably been out here for hours. 

Sitting on the window sill, forgotten, Dex grabs the drink. They lumber inside, throwing their shoes off as soon as they pass the doorway. His partner runs off to start the heating, and Dex heads to the kitchen to start up the kettle. Better to begin warming his hands before the heating actually warms him up. 

He drags his feet to a chair and falls into it, staring blankly at the wooden tabletop as he waits for the water to boil. 

“Okay, so I’ve set the heating up to the highest, it should be warm soon!”

Nursey sits in front of Dex, where his warm drink waits for him. Dex watches his fingers wrap around the thermos. He wants to sleep, to rest, to go back to not feeling or processing anything. But there’s so much to do, so little time. 

“Hey, Dex, talk to me? What’s wrong?”

When he looks up, Nursey is tapping his fingers gently against the navy blue thermos. His elbows rest on the table while his scarf slowly slips off his neck and falls back, leaving the midsection to hug his neck. Dex imagines reaching out and tenderly readjusting the scarf, only to caress Nursey’s - Derek’s - neck, to pull him in, to leech off his warmth in an embrace. But that’s all he does - imagine. 

Nursey’s torso rises from Dex’s view and he gradually lifts his head as Nursey turns off the kettle.

Oh. He hadn’t even heard it whistle. 

“D’you want rose or peach mango?”

Instead of replying, Dex shivers as the heating begins to warm up the kitchen. 

“I think you need rose.”

Nursey reaches for the cupboards near the windows, rummaging through various boxes, searching for that pretty pink tea bag Ransom swears works miracles. As he does, Nursey hums a familiar melody. 

“...fireflies?”

Over his shoulder, Nursey grins. 

“Yeah! It’s been stuck in my head for  _ weeks,  _ dude.”

With Nursey facing him, he doesn’t notice the tea bag fall to the countertop. Dex does, and so he clears his throat and jerks his chin, trying to point it out. 

“Oh, thanks, dude.”

His humming fills the kitchen again, and Dex drifts off. 

For a short while, he feels free. In his mind, he floats in a warm nothingness. No feelings, no anxiety, no dread. Just the emptiness of unconsciousness. Dex relishes in the freedom, for as long as he can.

It doesn’t last. A real, physical warmth wraps itself around him.

_ “...ex. Dex, wake up.” _

Dex blinks his eyes open. And there he is. Nursey, with his hand on Dex’s shoulder, appearing like an angel with the glowing halo of the sun wrapped around him. And maybe he’s just overthinking it, but Dex swears his heart begins to  _ bleed  _ with emotion. It’s like the time he got lost wandering around the beach. He ran around everywhere, crying as he searched for his family, only to hear the echo of Jason’s voice. That overwhelming rush of indescribable emotion fills him now as he opens his eyes and stares - at the glint in Nursey’s eye as his lopsided grin grows, the warmth of his hand as it squeezes Dex’s shoulder. In that moment, he’s glad his body is still adjusting to the newfound heat of the Haus. It’s enough to make it seem like the blush that overtakes Dex’s face isn’t because his heart’s about to burst. He blinks and shakes his head, trying to wake up. 

“Your tea’s gone a little cold now. Do you want me to heat some more up?”

Dex clears his throat and nods,”Yeah, yeah, thanks. That’d be great.”

And it’s the same situation, watching Nursey fill the Haus kettle up with water. Rummaging through the cupboard to find another tea bag, catching it before it falls and turning around to beam because Nursey caught it this time. A minute later, the kettle lets out its usual whistle and then Dex and Nursey are sitting, face to face, once again. 

Nursey’s finger circles the rim of his drink. He seems to be thinking deeply about something. Dex wraps his fingers around his cup - it’s the one with a bad pun that Shitty got Bitty last month. And though he’ll never admit it, he’s trying to copy Nursey, hoping to be in an emotional state, unlike his current one. 

“Dex, I know that we’re not the best of friends. It’s obvious that you and I argue all the time - and those arguments have their purpose - but more than that, I know that we care about each other, at least enough to feel worried when the other half isn’t feeling the best.” 

Dex bites the inside of his mouth. He thinks he knows where this is headed, and if he’s going to be completely honest with himself - he doesn’t want it to go there. 

“Last time, when some asshole said some shit to me during class, you didn’t even ask. You just tried to make me feel better, in a way you knew how. It wasn’t something I was used to, though it helped. I’m thinking I should do the same for you, in the way that’s worked best for me.” 

Nursey stops to take a sip of his drink. Dex thinks he did it on purpose, to give him time to think. Maybe. He doesn't know. Nothing seems to be making sense. 

“Dex? Do you want to talk about it?”

He probably should.

“It’s just anxiety. Not too big of a deal.” 

Across the table, Nursey frowns. 

“Hey,” 

A hand reaches out, gently placing itself on the back of his hand. The hand squeezes his own like it’s trying to wrap itself around him, like a blanket. 

He could use a blanket right now.

“I won’t pressure you to talk to me, Dex. And who knows, maybe you don’t need that. Maybe you just need someone here, ready to support you. I’m here. It’s okay, you’ll be okay.”

Dex bites his lip, it aches, but that doesn’t stop what he knows is coming. 

His eyes heat up, like the water in the kettle, they’re suddenly boiling. Dex watches his tears cause ripples in his tea. Ruined now, probably. 

“Come here.”

Nursey rises and stands behind Dex, as he slowly turns around, holding down all these embarrassing sounds. 

“It’s okay, Dex. It’ll all be okay. You and I, we’re gonna be alright.”


	7. Let Yourself Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I kind of missed you, a little bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey at this point there's no point in apologizing about the wait bc like...whatever its hard to write and I don't really daydream about this fic anymore but anywho I tried reading sasunaru fics and was disappointed and wanted to write good shit but I haven't reread naruto in its entirety since sophomore year when it ended and I cried so I decided to try and write a chapter for our boys

_ Let yourself fall _

“You know what we, as young, beautiful, tired, students need?”

Dex lowered his book, eyebrows up, as Holster shimmied into the seat next to him.

“What.”

Holster sighed dramatically, his hands moving to wipe his brow as if unseen-sweat weighed him down. 

“We, my good ginger, need a movie night.”

Surprised at the shockingly normal request, he blinked, no response seeming right. Dex kept staring at Holster, who keep sighing woefully and pretending to wipe sweat away. What a ridiculous person. 

“That’s actually the only suggestion of yours that I’d be willing to get behind.”

He knew soon everyone else would be roped into spending the next few hours, probably even the night, at the Haus, if Holster’s widening grin meant what he thought it did. Dex watched him practically jump from the disgusting green couch and holler in joy. For a second, Dex worried he wouldn’t be able to read peacefully, but at the opening of a door, Holster ran off. And as soon as his distraction left, it was easy to fall back into his book. 

For what must have been hours, he sat and read. The sun began to set, and slowly, the Haus began to fill up. Almost through the climax, Dex internally sighed at the thought of abandoning a childhood favorite. But the increase in noise and warm bodies tugged at his weak attention span, and soon he found himself holding his place in the book, rising and heading for the kitchen. 

As usual, there were at least three of his teammates seated, randomly on various surfaces, though someone he couldn’t remember was at least trying to keep some semblance of normalcy when, in a particularly dumb move, a tipsy kid tried to sit in the sink. 

Dex decided it was time to go ask Holster who all these people were. 

Of course, this was when the unbelievable happened - someone screamed out, “Karaoke time!” and Dex nearly lost his mind at the sight of an actual, honest to god, karaoke machine. 

Definitely, time to escape to someone’s room upstairs. 

Abandoning his plan, Dex bent under the yellow caution tapes Bitty brought out on nights like these and jogged up the flight of stairs. He didn’t know where the best place to go would be - depending on how early it is, maybe the rooms would be free of others - but he wouldn’t take chances. 

The wise thing to do, of course, would be to leave the Haus and go to the library or something. But Dex couldn’t deny the comfort the Haus provides, something no other building on campus has. Even as he hesitated at the top of the stairs, with the beginnings of “Hey there Delilah”, an out-of-tune voice crooning into the mic, he knew he wouldn’t leave unless he had to. And no matter how much he secretly loved the song, he’d still rather just be reading quietly. 

So he headed for the roof, hoping to find peace on the top of the world, even if the sun was setting and soon it’d be too dark to read. 

It was a bit of a struggle, finding the right footing above the window sill with a book in his hands, but he made it regardless. He knew he’d made the right choice when the cold January air pinched his skin and the sun seemed to sink under the horizon, almost teasing passerby as minutes passed. 

Dex breathed in deeply, slowly falling back until his warm body hit the slightly frosted rooftop. 

It was a little perfect - with the happy voices cheering under him, muted and other-worldly, as the cold mingled almost too well with the way his body sometimes liked to run too hot. Dex sighed in complete bliss. 

He lied there for what felt like hours, genuinely enjoying the chill and warbling voices of college students steadily becoming drunker. Somehow, the peaceful night Holster had recommended turned into an actual party. It was almost amazing. 

Dex let go of his book when he saw mittens reach over the edge of the roof as someone tried to climb up next to him. He sat up and reached forward for the knit hands and faltered, just for a second. 

Nursey always seemed to know where he went in moments like these. A warmth blossomed through his already hot chest, and he felt his eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiled. His heart began to beat just a little faster. 

“Hey, Dee.”

Nursey’s eyes sparkled in the near darkness, his smile bright. 

“Hey, Nurse. You tryna climb up here?”

His friend nodded and both of his hands closed and opened, like he was a crab ready to clamp onto the fingers of a curious child. Dex nearly wept at the absurdity. 

“Help me not die getting up there, Dexy.”

And so Dex reached over the edge and clamped his hands onto Nursey’s forearms while he did the same. One pulled the other forward while one tried climbing up with the help. All at once, Nursey lurched and landed on Dex, hands on the roof with Nursey still holding on and caging him in.

Dex blinked as seconds passed and neither did anything, both seemingly too mortified to move, even as Nursey accidentally straddled Dex and tightened his knit fingers on warm forearms. 

Realizing this was the best and worst thing to happen, Dex burst into giggles as his face flared red.

“Nursey, oh my god, please get off me -” 

A choked out response was all he got and then Dex wasn’t just giggling, he was full out laughing, his voice not quite drowned out by the noises below them. 

He gently shoved Nursey to the side, safely, of course, and proceeded to cry of mirth.

“Dex, oh my god, I’m so sorry, oh my god, I really - I - oh my god.”

And Nursey sounded absolutely mortified, muffled as he was by his mittens, which, were also another thing to laugh at. 

They looked like mustard, for shit’s sake! 

“There’s literally no way you’ll ever recover from this, Nurse, I’m going to tell everyone, like, this is gonna be one of those things I’m never gonna shut the fuck up about, listen - I’m gonna have grandkids just so I can tell them about this.” 

Behind the mittens, Nursey muttered out “You have to have kids first, dumbass.” With more to say, he peeked above them and glared, “Also fuck off, it was clearly an accident!”

Dex felt his cheeks ache as he smiled as wide as he could, “You sure about that, Nurse? Accident or not, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me this year.”

Nursey cried out, “It’s been like two weeks, of fucking course it is!” 

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Dex laughed.

“For real though, whats up? Were you trying to escape the party too?”

His partner honest to god  _ pouted. _

“Well, now that I’ve been thoroughly embarrassed  _ by you  _ I don’t want to  _ tell you _ !” 

Dex elbowed him and Nursey huffed, shifting his face and it’s adorable pout away from him. 

“Come on man, you know I wouldn’t give you shit for whatever it is, I’m just curious.” 

And through sheer luck, somehow Dex doesn’t combust at what Nursey says.

“I kind of missed you, a little bit.”

Unaware of the effect his words had on poor old Dex, Nursey continued. 

“I mean, if you’d told the me of when we first met that we’d end up friends, I’d probably have laughed in your face and told you to fuck off, because you were like, a huge dick to me and other people. But now - “ and he paused, his eyes connecting dots in the dark sky, “ - I kind of like the dumb shit we get into. I thought of you, earlier, because in my poetry class we had to write a poem based off an image - like a sound, sight, smell, y’know - and I kept thinking of you.”

With his face burning as hot as it was, Dex wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow melted the frost off the roof. 

“Anyways, I asked Chowder if he’d seen you and he told me you were probably brooding somewhere. Took me a while to actually find you, asshole.”

Nursey finally looked to his right, at Dex, then. Completely unaware of how his face looked, Dex watched in wonder as Nursey’s face changed - from the rising of his eyebrows and widening of his eyes to the twitching of his lips and the way Nursey avoided his gaze.

“Nursey, I - “ Dex paused too, needing time to think this through. 

“I mean, I - there’s a lot I could say, but I think I should say I miss you too, sometimes.”

Nursey stared at him, eyes a little curious, as Dex rambled on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt what I feel about you with anyone else, like you’re a perfect fit for me, especially since we don’t have to say too much - like our opposites fit so well - “

Dex would have kept rambling on and on if Nursey hadn’t rolled towards him and grabbed his face with both warm yellow hands and squeezed, his chest halfway on Dex’s torso -

“Hey, Dee, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Because if you are I just wanna know when that happened and what I have to do to rope you into reading all the shit I’ve written about you.” 

Blinking away his shock, Dex said, “Uh, I think I fucked up but I think you’re okay with it so - “

Nursey’s eyes sparkled again, mouth set in a wide, happy grin.

“No, no, keep talking, I wanna hear more -”

“Fuck no, I’m not gonna keep talking, why don’t you talk -”

“I thought we both knew I was low key pinning like come on Dee, I’m so obvious, I write  _ poetry -” _

“Well shit then, assfuck, I thought everyone knew - I’m literally the most oblivious fuck out there!”

Dex wrapped his hands around Nursey’s wrists, like so many weeks ago. 

“Yeah, okay, so if this is going where I  _ think  _ it’s going, you’re  _ my  _ oblivious fuck.”

And he grinned as their noses bumped together, somehow closer than they were before -

“Really? Then what are you to me?”

Nursey knocked their foreheads together softly, and he whispered, barely holding back a laugh -

“I’m your perfect fit, your missing puzzle piece.” He tilted his face to the side, lips almost brushing against Dex’s, “You said something else, but I think I’m just gonna kiss you now.” 


End file.
